Why'd You Mess With Forever
by Echante
Summary: After a few fantasy dreams, an rape attempt and a break down, Addison realizes that she may have made the wrong choice when she picked the love of her life.


A/N: There's probably a shit-load of typos all over and problems everywhere but whatever. I don't care anymore. I'm tired. This took so long to write. Anyway. Part of my plan to inundate this place with Mark/Addison.

XXXXXX

The preacher has a story he likes to tell, and he always tells it enthusiastically, gesticulations included. It goes; a man of fervent faith lived in a town of a couple hundred people. One day, he hears a hurricane warning over the radio, but because he is a man of fervent faith. He says to himself, "I can stay here, God will protect me." The next day, the flood waters are beginning to rise and a man comes by with a boat and reaches a hand to this man of fervent faith and says, "get in, there's a hurricane coming." But still this man of fervent faith says, "God will save me!" The next day, the water is up to his knees and a helicopter flies by and drops a rope at his feet, "grab on!" The helicopter pilot yells, "There's a hurricane coming!" But still the man of fervent faith says, "No. God will save me."On the third day, the hurricane comes and destroys his house and kills him. When he gets to heaven, he asks God, angrily, "What happened? I trusted you and you didn't save me." God looks over at him and says, "What are you doing here? I sent you a radio broadcast, a man in a boat and a helicopter to save you!"

XXXXXX

The first time Addison Montgomery realized that there was a glimpse of eternity in the eyes of Mark "Manwhore" Sloan. She was dancing with him at her wedding; to someone else.

There's the requisite happiness sprinkled into the wedding lilies and lace and china. A careful surreal feeling was taken into the arrangement of the seats, the smiles on the faces, and the daintily and carefully folded napkins with cascades falling over the folds. The music feels unreal; the margins of her gaze are clouded. The band croons softly and the best man is twirling her around and she thinks the breathless, dizzying excitement is the perfect metaphor for this day. She's not ready to be married. She's not mature enough to imagine spending the rest of her life with anyone. She doesn't want to. She doesn't think she can.

She'll remember what he says that day for the rest of her life. When she'd breathed idly, giddily, the words, "I can't believe I'm married," and he replied with, "I can't believe it either."

"I almost wish were you..." she says, the high of forever beginning to become overwhelming, her insides screaming, "I wouldn't have to worry about the rest of my life, how to be a good wife; the fact that I really can't see myself growing old with my husband. I don't know if I want this Mark! Married life, I don't think I'm sure. I don't know if this is real… I don't know."

There's a shift in his demeanor, and afterwards, she would swear in her mind that she'd never strayed from her husband, that she was pure for the majority of her marriage, but as Mark started his monologue, she strayed. His eyes grew softer, rounder and his mouth twisted upwards and she knew that she'd never seen anything, anyone so magnificent and beautiful than Mark Sloan in that moment. "I don't know Add," he says to her, "I think it's almost beautiful. If I deserved having someone like you love me for all of my life, I'd everything for you. I'd buy you a house, a car, a dog; I'd hold your hand through childbirth and feed you ice cream when you're sick. And I'd love every minute of it. I would give you everything I had. I'm alone because I'm a mess. You and Derek… you're beautiful together and I'm flawed…. So…" he's never been good at these extended speeches and he's almost embarrassed to be caught making one, "so yeah." He ends uncertainly.

What pained her most that though, was that she could see the picture, was that it materialized in her dreams again that night when she was making love to her husband. That she dreamt of it under the warm waves of Tahiti and when she fell asleep on the connecting flight from Miami. And when she was safely at home, tucked into the comfort of her own bed, she saw his grey hair next to her, and their wrinkled hands entwined and she wondered, if maybe, perhaps things were always meant to be different.

XXXXXX

She was still married to someone else when the Chief of Surgery summoned her and Mark to his office and in essence told them, "You're going to Chicago. They need you." As the Chief drones on about living arrangements, (they share a car, and a suite with two bedrooms), and briefs them on the case (something about a baby), she looked up at the clock and stared at the 10 o'clock reading on it and suddenly felt a sense of apprehension and dread. So, as she often does in these situations, she sends up a tiny prayer for protection. She's still shaking slightly when the Chief stands up and hands them both an envelope and wishes them God-Speed.

The first thing Mark does is turned to her and grins and says excitedly, "a free-trip! Dude Addy! It's all expense paid! We can eat whatever and drink whatever we want!"

She swallows and attempts a smile but she's never been too good at lying to either one of her boys.

"What's wrong?" He demands, concern lining the edges of his eyes.

"I don't know," she says, "I just have a bad feeling about this trip."

He sighs and pulls her close to him and hugs her, "don't worry Addison, I'll be there too okay? I won't let anything happen to you."

And so she genuinely smiled, because in his embrace, she felt safer.

XXXXXX

They share a cab to the airport and Derek sends them off with all the obligatory comments: "Hands off my wife Mark," and "I'll be watching you know, I'm everywhere."And with his blessing he sends them off.

She thinks Mark is a little like a child sometimes, particularly when he is running around the airport in excitement and traversing in between the stores and the restaurants with a rare happiness. He buys bags and bags of expensive candied peanuts and then turns around and buys her a magazine. She laughs when she finds out he got her a Cosmo and he shrugs and grins, "There was SEX in huge letters printed across the cover, so I figured this might be the one you need?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" She tries to hide her giggle but it comes out a bit as she pretends to admonish him.

"You've got to sit by me for an entire plane ride," he shrugs, "and you can't jump me because you're married." He smiles at her and winks and she's left with her mouth gaping open.

"You know, you're face could freeze that way." He tells her.

"Do you honestly think I'm that desperate?" She asks him.

"No." He laughs, "I just think I'm that hot."

"You're an ass." She replies disgusted.

"No." He repeats, "But I have a pretty cute one." He walks in front of her, wiggling it around a bit and she hates herself for it but she finds herself agreeing. He does have a good ass. It's so sadly true.

XXXXXX

She wakes up feeling awfully comfortable and leaning against some sort of grey substance. There's an arm around the back of her neck and a smile she's surprised in on her lips. "Honey?" She asks groggily.

Mark shutters awake, "huh?"

"Oh. Crap. I forgot… how long was I out?"

"I don't know."

"Oh." His arm is still around her shoulder and she is becoming uncomfortable by her comfort.

"Oh!" He repeat her words back to her and withdraws his arm, "sorry."

There's an awkward silence which is painfully interrupted by the annoying blare of the loudspeaker, "We are beginning our decent, please fasten your seat-belts, and return your seats to the upright position."

XXXXXX

The drive to the hotel is long and silent. There's a lingering awkwardness hanging in the air and they both blush every time they touch. She wonders for a moment what happened. They didn't do anything wrong. But she knows. She finds herself missing the warmth of his chest and the rhythm of his heart beating against his cheek. The fantasies she buried came back full force. And then: so does the terrible feeling. She wants to puke, there's pure terror in her head and she grasps the dashboard.

Mark looks over worried, "Addy? What's wrong?"

"I don't know." She stutters, "I have a bad feeling about this."

"About your speech? Don't. I've been to every single speech you've ever given and I hate to say this but I have never seen anyone do a better job."

She's a little surprised by the reverence that he speaks with but is also extremely touched.

"No… that's not…" The feeling of dread doesn't subside and she sends up a prayer again for protection.

"Then what Addy?" She opens her mouth to tell him but realizes she has no basis for her fear. She glances at the clock as they begin to turn into their hotel parking lot. 9:50 p.m. Shit.

Mark turns into a spot and tells her, "you stay here, I'll go check in."

Addison nods hesitantly and gets out to grab her suitcase. Suddenly, she feels a large thump against the back of her head and the last thing she notices before she blacks out is the large clock over the hotel entrance that reads 10 o'clock.

XXXXXX

When Mark comes back to his car, he finds the door open and the trunk popped up. Puzzled, he walks over and when he sees the drag marks of Addison's heels and the scraps of her dress clinging to the pavement, he drops everything and jumps. "Addison!" he yells, following the trail, "Addison!"

Finally, he reaches the spot where a man stands over Addison's unmoving body.

"You wanna share?" The man asks cheekily.

"You son-of a bitch!" He growls, pulling the man off of her and punching him in the face, "What'd you do to her? What did you do?" He asked furiously while he tried to shake her awake.

"I put some stuff in her." The man grinned, clearly high.

"What kind of stuff?"

The man shrugs, "white stuff."

Mark groans and picks her up, running into the hotel. He goes up to the clerk and demands, "I need an ambulance now!" The clerk picks up the phone and dials 911 while Mark continues, "It needs to be equipped with a stomach pump and oxygen mask."

He desperately lays her down on the couch and begins feeling her pulse. The last thing he remembers is breaking down in sobs as they lift her into the ambulance. The next thing is, he wakes up by her side.

There's a man with a clipboard that's staring at her monitor, and it takes him a couple of minutes to register that it's doctor. "Doc." He croaks, "How is she?"

"She's fine." He smiles, "She only had half a syringe of cocaine pumped into her, although it was laced with some sort of date rape that renders the victim unconscious. The man's a pervert though. Absolutely disgusting."

"But she's fine?"

"Yes."

"Thank God."

"You know…" the doctor paused, "you're a very famous man around here… but… you're also a brave one."

But when the doctor leaves and it's just him and the slow beeping of Addison's heart monitor he knows that he wasn't brave, he was just desperate and he was becoming more and more aware, that he was a man who was falling in love.

XXXXXX

A couple years later, Addison stepped outside, and found the climate of her marriage considerably colder. Half of her bed hadn't been touch in the last week, and her anniversary dinner had been in the fridge for the last two days. When her marriage began drowning, the first thing she did was to pray for salvation. The next thing she did was throw up her lunch.

She drank too much then. It was a reflex, she received the call and then threw one back. Her husband had to work; she downed a shot, her husband had to give a speech; margaritas.

She's almost surprised by the door opening but then she recognizes the familiar stomp of Mark's boots and she settles down again.

"He's not here!" She yells at him.

"Good." He snorts, "Because I was looking for you, you little bucket of sunshine."

"Do you need cheering up?"

"My life doesn't suck."

"Neither does mine."

"Addison, you're an anorexic and an alcoholic. I'm seriously worried."

"I'll get over it."

"Addy."

"I need to get him to notice Mark! I need him to notice!"

"Well…" Mark sighed, "I brought over ice cream and pizza so if ya wanna chill."

In spite of herself, she smiles, "thanks."

"No problem." He grinned at her and she shivers a bit, it always melted some part of her brain. But the thing is, she likes that he's here. She's in lust with him, but it keeps her mind off of the fact that she's fallen out of love with her husband. He's sleazy, but he makes her smile. And he's a cheap wise-ass, but he's so amazingly sweet when he shows up at her door with pizza and ice cream and allows her to subject him to a Meg Ryan movie and a lame excuse so she can curl up in his arms and allow herself to succumb to his warm embrace. She hates that he probably has a date later tonight but she only hates it because he's partially hers, and she gets jealous. She hates that he's a manwhore and a terrible person, but that's only because he's not and she knows it. She hates more than anything that he's insecure and believes he's worthless, but then again, that's only because she's pretty sure that he is fast becoming the man she loves.

She doesn't drown when he's there. He's a breath of fresh air.

XXXXXX

She's living in a trailer now. She hates it here, she hates the rain, she hates her husband, she hates his mistress, Seattle, life…

There's a church about twenty-feet from the hospital, and she figures that if anyone can help her at this time, it's God.

She sits in the pulpit before the sermon begins when the tears start to come and she cries to herself in her head, "Oh God! Why have you forsaken me?"

And then the preacher begins his sermon with a story, one that he likes to tell and always tells enthusiastically, gesticulations included, it goes, a man of fervent faith…\

XXXXXX

A/N: There you go. Use your imagination as to what happens next.


End file.
